tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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