I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
