Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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