chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
