Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
