i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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