you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
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Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
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my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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