I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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