I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize