He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
