make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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