kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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