mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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