One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
