I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
