If that was your dad, he is hot
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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