what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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