There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
