I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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