hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
