we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
