Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
