she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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