hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
