woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I need moral support for this bender
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
