just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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