Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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