Sry I called you an 8
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
