Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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