I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think I am morally bankrupt
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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