Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
