the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
