im drinking this country out of the recession.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
