I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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