We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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