I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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