i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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