The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
