Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
