Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
vagina is talking i cant
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
