You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
