So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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