sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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