Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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