one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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