your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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