I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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