i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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