i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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