Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
ttyl tear gas
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
