Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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