you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
