so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
