Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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