I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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