Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
