So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
