Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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