Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
