awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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