Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
