Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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