My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
