I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
