so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
