suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
