Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
