Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
