You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
