you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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